A New BRAVO!

Want to see a new musical called "A New Brain"?
umm... thats kinda a weird name.
Yep.

Sydney based independent theatre company SQUABBALOGIC have done it again. Bringing Sydney another serving of off broadway magic that would have otherwise been lost in the dusts of iTunes collections forever.

A New Brain is a triumph. A complete joy to watch. It's pretty to listen to, beautiful to look at, trippy, funny, emotive, and real. Something director Craig Stewart should be immensely proud of. From the small eccentricities of characters in the background to the simplicity and functionality of the set.

Wondering into the hygienically scrubbed linoleum surface- you know you're in for a treat from the get go. Stewart and his team Ash and Salle take the audience on a slick, effortlessly erratic operation of one song writer's struggle with mortality. The beautifully warm and engaging score by composer William Finn contrasts with the harsh subject matters explored of abandonment, death, and depression.

Here, not a single cast member steps out of line. Each an intricate spoke in the relentless performance machine Salle has wheeled up to deliver. Each production number a new and exciting visual treat for the audience. Every scene pops with illumination with these people to blame:

Daley shines as Rhoda, her character hardly leaving the side of protagonist Schwinn and giving it her all with a really perverse ventriloquist act.
Likewise, Daly is fierce as Schwinn's mother, exuding raw emotion, taking almost criminal advantage of the song Throw It Out.
Erickson as Schwinn's partner Roger is simply amazing- baring his soul to the audience, he doesn't miss a beat to get that last tear from you.
James-Moody has to be seen to be believed.
Leahy, as Schwinn, brings a beautiful and fragile arrogance to the role that balances his character perfectly to the ensemble. Tossed and pulled in every direction- he hardly needs to take a step all night.
Murphy is fabulously hilarious and an eyebrow expressionist scene stealer.
Pratt gives it all and a half- belting her narration and staring down the audience.
Saville's characterisation is simply delightful.
Simpson clears the floor with Eating Myself Up Alive.
Sippel gets all the best musical snippets and sings with a delightful joy.

Bring tissues. Visiting hours get pretty emotional. And at times, wickedly funny.

A New Brain is presented by Squabbalogic at the Sidetrack Theatre
from October 26th - November 12th
Tickets are $30-$35 and are General Admission

Tangled in Controversy

Hokay, appart from Disney's Tangled being a triumphant return to the fairytale, I had two observations:

Numero Uno:

The side kick actively kills the bad guy. Like it's thought out. Mother Gothel is going to fall out the window and rather than try to stop it or even just let it happen, Pascal actively participates by tripping her in the last moments. Pascal is EVIL.

Also, the androgynous chameleon wears a pink dress and it's funny. So, thats weird.

All I'm saying is expect him to go postal in the Direct-To-Disney-DVD sequel.

Numero Duo:

So the whole plot is about Rapunzel inheriting healing powers from a magical sunshine flower and being locked away in a tower until her 18th birthday. Not to be all slapped in the face with subtext but Disney has just released their first fairytale about virginity*.

Flyn Rider, the thief turned unlikely hero with super human good looks gets his chance to "take her flower" at the end. And he does, when she "gives it to him" through her magic tear to save him from death.

Its all very sweet and poetic and symmetrical, but what it really burns down to is a girl giving her flower away. And he repays her with a smothered boob hug. "I've always had a thing for brunettes" lol. Thus:

Anyhew, it just strikes me odd that no one else thought of this.

Also let me point out I cried like a girl even after 3 viewings.

*yeah, I know most fairy tales are about loss of innocence. But this is literal.

For A Better World, I wouldn't continue.

Tonight I braved a brand new theatrical production to review from Company No 3 theatre at the SBW Stables / Griffin 2011 Season entitled "For A Better World".

'Braved' being the most polite adjective I could use to describe what could only be viewed as some kind of extended HSC Drama group devised performance. Here we have four women and three men all doing their best with material beyond their knowledge.

A stage set with mirrors akin to any seedy gym lined with fluorescent lighting so as to blend in with the local Kings Cross culture, there was plenty of dazzle to distract the audience from the lack of plot and point.

The seven actors plodding half naked around the set, spreading blood, dropping feathers and creating havoc that would give the best of wardrobe and set dressers a heart attack were mildly representing a war time scenario. Each character indulging in either sexual fantasies or memories from the past as each, separately go mad and commit suicide. And don't worry. I really haven't ruined the ending, as author Roland Schimmelpfennig couldn't care less about the narrative mish-mesh of 80's war & science fiction films.

For me, the tour de force of the play was when the female lead shoots herself in the head, dresses herself in a wedding dress (complete with tasteful fairy lights), chanting wildly as a half alien half giant squid attacks one of the male actors (who has meanwhile managed to change into his birthday suit).

The cast are committed to an otherwise confusing piece, even though it calls for them to parade around in white underwear for the majority of the performance. Pity one of the men was so ridiculously prissy that any attempts of sexual interaction with the naked women before him were laughable.

I checked my watch 20 minutes into the 86 minute one-act-performance and tried desperately not to do so for the remainder of the evening.

Lucky I received free tickets on this one eh?

It's reliable. I read it on the internet.

Meeting mum and nan at Mac Square by 10am was what I set my alarm clock for last night. Seems that Coffee Club coffee is still serving the same quality of coffee they were last time I checked.

I spent some time with the family just walking around David Jones, asking if the massive signs that read 30% off all underwear meant 30% off all underwear. I found my official Davenport Australia Day wife beaters in Big W, and we settled down for a short lunch before melting in the extreme heat that wasn't the internal ice factory air-conditioning that was the Square.

Later, I found shelter in mum's kitchen preparing my tomato pasta dinner. Which doesn't seem more important than long time since-we-were-born, next-door-neighbour buddy Brendan proposing to his now fiancee Morgan. But it never-the-less appeared first in the paragraph. Congratulations guys. You need to talk to Vibrant.

Much later in the day, Mount Annan played host to my new year's evening. With an actual swim in Tuneil's pool. None of this i'm-too-self-conscious-about-my-weight crap to stop me.

Much later, after that, Louise misses her mouth when trying to eat a cup cake. The icing bounces off the cake, ricochets off her forehead and lands neatly on the grass below.

Louise's Brendan did not enjoy The Brady Bunch Movie after the 4-minutes-less-than-last-year's fireworks. I was fairly tired.

Fruit of the Moment: Strawberry Springs

Hang on, sorry. I'm just eating some chocolate.

I had a craving. And that craving was for Ratatouille. The pixar movie. And not ONE of my many hard-drives had it stored in the depths of their souls. Which, is a crying shame, as I had a craving.

Luckily, Aneesa solved this craving by getting me out of the house and down to the Wollongong CBD. Here we shopped for animal print clothes, grew concerned at inflatable-pool-chairs-in-pizza-boxes, and took our coffees at Lee and Me.

I also bought Ratatouille from Big W, (which I might add) had told myself I would do back when it first came out. I originally found the outlandish $34 dvd prices back in 2007; outlandish. So I told myself I'd eventually buy it when the price dropped. Then I had that year of not buying anything, then I was unemployed. It's all relative. Shut up.

Later, I told the flies inside Leila's kitchen what-not by hanging evil plastic devices of death everywhere for them to play with. Such joy in the mutilation of those annoying little buggers.

Fruit of the Moment: Onion Rings

by the end of your dreams

After entering a competition designed for women over a modest breakfast, I began facing the music. And the music played "you-better-get-working-on-that-portfolio-for-job-applications"*

After spending hours on the new document, with two less pages and a few additions to the commercial projects, I got me a new bundle of hope to apply with.

In other news, I applied to work at Apple today. Lets see them knock me back there via email in 3 weeks time. I'll keep 'yall posted.

Strangely, the highlight of the day was an episode of QI about cockney slang. I lead an exciting life, says I.

Fruit of the Moment: Beach Weather

*Now available on iTunes

SANTA, IM COMING FOR YOU

Okay, so while i'm being disinterested in the soft porn horror movie The Human Centipede, I thought i'd update you with my day.

Legend of The Guardians was the first movie to watch.

Followed by Knight and Day.

Then came Repo Men.

Next was Robin Hood.

And Rocket Science.

With Exit through the Gift Shop

I'd say Knight and Day was surprisingly the funnest film of the marathon. While Guardians was definitely the most breathtaking. Don't anyone watch Human Centipede, a vial graphic movie with bad acting and no plot and disturbing content. Exit was, i'd say the best film.

Styx and I just hung out all day. He was really happy with his tuna this evening. Lucky I Googled if cats could drink milk, Leila had left so much of it in the fridge that I thought Styx might like a bit before I threw it out. By the way, cats can't drink cow's milk. They are lactose intolerant. Fact.

Also, good thing I heard the bins being taken out, so thats handled as well. This house sitting business is hard stuff.

Fruit of the Moment: Vegetarian Sprinkles

It just burns, it's nice.

A tornado of cleaning, tidying and washing spread a devastating trail of happiness through the house I am sitting for the summer. No real scrubbing was involved. But a lack of food I found. So, I gallantly lead a solo expedition to the local Woolworths for supplies.

The Scooby Gang were assembling for some beach fun. However the weather decided to force us into watching Anchorman and Tomorrow When The War Began when a cold snap shook our bones into crying.

This guy was being a snobbish critical bitch during the latter movie. I've taught him well.

Later, I was confused out of my brain when everyone started switching phones and posting on other people's facebook walls. A big thank you to Pammy who straightened it out for me over a phone call from an apparently unbearable 40th birthday celebration... ladedadeda...

Fruit of the Moment: Boxing Day Car Parks

always rushing to be on schedule

Completely bummed out from the sugar hangover, my morning was a little headachey. Good to see the weather was on my side. From cold winds to sweltering heat to fierce winds- I know someone up there had enjoyed a bit too much egg nog last night.

So I pack up my bag of tricks and head out of town. Eight bags of strings and things and my little blue car was calmly working it's way down to Wollongong. Calmly as in doing a little bit under the speed limit, enraging the other drivers when they couldn't pass.

Styx was elated to see me. And we celebrated that night with Dr Who's Christmas Carol. Bravo Moffat! Bravo! Dreamy Dreamy Matt Smith shall indeed be dreamt about this evening.

Fruit of the Moment: 45-day-old-ice-cream

big girl rings

When a Muslim strokes a Buddha to celebrate a Christian holiday, you know the true spirit of Christmas is alive and well. Even when starving children in Africa are, according to older generations in the family, rich enough to look after themselves.

Mum put on a breakfast of sweets and treats and cheese and crackers and such. And for the first time in our family history, we did not have volovants nor did we open presents inside the living room. It was new, and different, and lacking in tradition somewhat. But we are in tradition transition and soon, everything will be different.

Louise hosted the luncheon after I jotted around to the Kruyer's house for a pre-xmas-luncheon-visit. Louise put on a marvellous day. And made me a marvellous Catan quilt.

Later, I slept and grew merry on egg nog. Mostly the nog part. Soon, everything will be different.

Fruit of the Moment: Shirtless Rob

MADE OF IRON

Christmas Eve is a day for cooking. For preparing foods. For working in the kitchen. For making grub. For composing cuisine. And so on. Also, for visiting the coolest person I know while waiting for the bread to rise.

I cooked pretty much from the time I woke up until around 6:30pm when I dished up. And the day was so involved only because of everything being made from scratch. I chose the theme of humbly simple for the three course meal and I think I nailed it, if not everyone's taste.

The pre dinner cheese board included ash brie, red square and New Zealand blue. And a few glasses of egg nog to liven things up.

The entrée was a tomato-less ratatouille, served with oven baked baby roma tomatoes on the side and a crispy onion & goats cheese garnish. Severed with a loaf of herbed bread, which also was made from scratch.

The main meal was a double mushroom pie with thick butter flake pastry and vegetable stock gravy. Served with a helping of boiled green beans.

Finally after a short movie interlude of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which had interrupted A Very Specky Christmas, we brought out the dessert.

A Christmas Pudding Ice-Cream Bomb with brandied caramel sauce layers and custard butter cream. Which turned out richer than I had imagined. I thought when everything got mixed together, it looked really runny and I feared it wouldn't set in time. But the 12 hours It waited in the freezer did it well.

Shame that through all the preparation and labour and hard work, the magic of Christmas Eve sort of dispersed when my Nana was picked up. And given that the conversation fell pretty much flat on all rounds, and that Dad complained to no end about there not being any meat, and Louise being sick from lunch, and that I was up and down every three shakes of the hand... it wasn't the evening of positivity that it should have been.

I guess i'm in for a lot of this in 2011. As I have painted the town beige with my lack of enthusiasm recently, I'm sure that bitch Karma will be seeing to that anything positive coming my way will be repaid in kind.

Fruit of the Moment: gingerbread house

A park somewhere; in Minto

This isn't fun anymore. Like this. All this. And by all this I mean my failures. They just keep piling on top of each other, and this duck's back absorbs water like a sponge.

I managed to scrape through the day. There was laundry to keep me pre-occupied along with christmas presents to wrap in pretentious wrapping paper. Also, I once again showed the road to Wollongong how to successfully fall asleep at the wheel while driving without inducing death.

I met up with a friend for dinner at my favourite restaurant Lorenzo's Diner. We apparently scraped in to the last day of their 2010 calendar. Lucky thing too, I haven't graced their doors this year for dinner, so it was a surprise that I was also treated to the meal.

Later, I couldn't keep myself away from the toilet having drunk about 4 flasks of their table water at dinner. I feel I could have sunk a ship with the amount of peeing going on.

Fruit of the Moment: brian's comfort candy

Managing Casual Teachers Who Are Experiencing Difficulties With Their Teaching Performance

This guy was both stupid enough to leave his phone in my car and not be awake when he said he would be. As he neglected to be awake, the only thing preventing my death from a small dog with serious intimacy issues was a seriously thin pane of glass.*

Given my lack of sleep, it was easy to snooze my way through a 2 hour car trip up to the Blue Mountains with my mum, her sister and my mum's sister's mum (who is also my mum's mum) to visit my mum's sister's mum's brother Rob, whose last name isn't Patterson but boasts more attractiveness anyhew.

My mission to track down an old boss' mobile phone number this evening through proxy failed, so we all forgot our troubles with a big bowl of fake roasted meat. Which turned out to be a major mistake, as are most fake meats.

Fruit of the Moment: Malted New Zealand

*Apologies to Ros who had to answer the door in her pyjamas.

These "twitter" things they do on TV

After this guy nearly hit a car on a short trip to acquire rolls, I got up to speed with the Jones. Who are very hard to keep up with intellectually it seems. By which, I mean they're pretty smart.

Today Angus (not Clarence) invited me round for picnic, movies, and pizza, which turned out to be brutal as we made a picnic detour in Park Central, pre Mondos visit. And by brutal, I mean awesome. Ruby and Aneesa both turned up fashionably late, both enjoying our time with The Russian.

After educating everyone in the ways of the 1980's cult flick Clue, I enjoyed an old-persons-nap during Shaun Of The Dead.

Later, we picked up Scott Pilgrim, I Love You Man, and Fight Club at the video store. Father Jones made it clear that the Christmas spirit was alive and well, in the form of pizza. And most everyone it seemed had never tried egg nog. Most preferring to drink Mountain Dew, despite its urinal colouring. We only had time to watch I Love You Man.

I now have Sean's phone as it fell out of his pocket and into my car due to his legs being too skinny. We shall later go fishing. By which I mean, we won't.

Fruit of the Moment: Cookies and bubble-wrap!

You're the only gay thing that doesn't suck

Jolted awake by rose tea infused with vanilla, I jot around preparing a trip down to Wollongong. Shortly after, the wind strong enough to send my Yarris off to Oz, I was headed towards a day of Photoshop tuition.

Glen's new hobby in kite surfing has encouraged him to enter a t-shirt designing competition. So today, we delved into the complicated world of Photoshop Elements. Complicated because the reduced features and limitations complicate the learning process.

Needless to say, he astutely picked up the basics and independently realised his design digitally.

Later, I found that Trade Secret was selling the underwear I designed all the way back in April. The had finally been sold, realised and were proudly on sale at the front of the store. It was amazing. Especially since I had previously thought that they had all been rejected by the buyers. I bought three pairs with a handy GAZAL discount.

Fruit of the Moment: Punishment Pasta

You'd be hard pressed to find a lesbian who likes John Laws

Sometimes, you really only need one good day to restore your faith in the future. Today was such a day.

I was chauffeured around the greater Sydney region today. Down to Wollongong, up to the Blue Mountains, across to Campbelltown. Basically I was backseat mambo.

Special thanks go to Brendan, Morgan, Justin, Tuneil, Noah, Brendan, Louise, this guy, Aneesa, Emma, Leila and Glen who all turned up at Lee & Me for a birthday brunch of awesomeness. Good times, noodle salad and a whole stack of buttermilk hotcakes. Monopolising the entire downstairs foyer, we ate up a storm.

Afterwards at the shopping complex up the road, Sean and I established that the surf shop stocked neither of our sizes in board shorts. Fucking pretentious 30inch waisted men. We celebrated our lack of spending money by eating lemon meringue tart.

Then, as if my day couldn't get any better, Leila and Glen took me upto the Blue Mountains to see Greg and Pam for Christmas. Mostly to give Pam the panorama we've all put together.

As always with Greg and Pam, there was dinner. A sneaking suspicion tells me that they catered exclusively for me. Post amazing cheese board, we indulged in a (Greek?) variant on ratatouille. Which was beyond amazing. Leila didn't much care for it, but the dessert of chocolate mouse really won her over I suspect.

To pass the time on the way home after several rounds of Bananagrams, we declared our love for the Northern Road in turns. Our love was declared in sarcasm.

Fruit of the Moment: Bakara

... should i refrigerate the money then?

It's not often that I see or spend time with my grandmother. So last night I suggested we go out, just the two of us for a breakfast or a coffee or something to eat. We ended up at the Campbelltown Art Gallery. Which turned out to be so good that we also had breakfast dessert, which is just like regular dessert but at breakfast time.

Later, we picked up a speaker system for mum at Dick Smith Electronics and moseyed around Campbelltown Mall before having what Donut King called an "ice coffee" but what I called ice-cream in a cup.

When we got home, we prepared for the party that evening by making sure the food was cut and ready for serving. Then the guests started to arrive. It was one of those parties where everyone had partners. Everyone had their husband or their boyfriend with them.

Parties often make me feel anxious about not having a partner. It's like there's another thing in your life you're not good at on display for all the other people who have managed to get it together and perform in the couples olympics.

Not having much Christmas spirit, I disengaged with most of the event, preferring to spar with this guy over a gingerbread tardis and cryptic sentences that made several obscure pop culture references but made little sense.

Even after everyone had gone home, I managed to clean up most of the garbage, wash up and attend to my blog wile the four remaining party animals loudly drank their remaining cups away.

Fruit of the Moment: Sweet Potato Fries

There's something in his ear

A bathroom scrubbed and a few tables errected, I head into Macarthur Square for some coffee with Tuneil, her sisters and one very awesome five year old supporting a loose tooth. We had coffee. I spilt mine on my shirt. I rule.

Later, I am buying an array of bathroom cleaning products and three muffins for me, mum and Nanny Tess as I anticipated her arrival for the Christmas holidays. However, instead of arriving home to an afternoon tea, I arrive home to an empty cake holder to wash up. Indeed it had been that Maureen, mum and Nanna had eaten the last of my birthday cake. And I am left with three muffins.

So after resolving that next year I could make a birthday cake I would have more than one slice of, I go out to buy 5 chickens, and 2 tins of sliced pineapple with Dad.

I check up on how Pammy Kay and this guy are doing since they no longer are having the world's most awesome Friday night ever. Apparently, they both are doing homework. They are so cool.

Louise having canceled this evening's surprise birthday party yesterday morning as I was not worth spending money on, came over. And we talked about what was wrong and why things are not okay at the moment. Things must have improved, as I felt my appetite return* after a sit down. And we played Bananagrams.

Fruit of the Moment: 150 bags

*No really, I felt so duck feathers** all day

**by that I mean 'down' ***

***joke © Sean O'Gorman 2010

I come from Canadian

For the first time in my whole life, my sister told me that I wasn't part of her real family.

Truly dejected, I escape to both Devil and TRON: Legacy with a side of The Great American Trailer Park Musical. By myself. I also randomly park next to Tuneil's car in Newtown. She is not in the car.

Fruit of the Moment: Garrett Hedlund

this guy fell asleep on me

This morning, I was hard pressed to think of anything except that $1400 piece of machinery I was an "ungrateful little shit" over. So, I started researching the interwebz for solutions on how to return the unreturnable note pad.

It came down to being engraved. Had it not been engraved, the return would have been simpler and smoother. My first caller advised that the only way I can return an engraved iPad, is if I buy another iPad of equal or higher value to replace it.

The second caller advised that I could return the engraved iPad, replacing it with a lesser valued iPad and then returning that one at a later date. This plan turned to when-sales-go-bad faster than a tap-dancing hummingbird eats a lemon. Apparently, the "helpful" Chin had lied about this, just in order for me to buy another iPad. A call to his supervisor helped with the cancelation of the 2nd iPad I had bought under false pretences.

A final call to Catrina apparently made some kind of this-customer-wont-go-away-until-we-refund-him statement. And all was settled. Well, financially that is. I feel this is not an easily forgotten statement of mine, regardless if I refuse to accept money in its place or not. Which is shit, in essence. Because emotionally, it is a richer situation.

We had the end of year Seussical rehearsal tonight. No one ate a single banana muffin I had made. Not one. Someone took three of them home. And I ended up eating two. But apart from that, bupkis.

Fruit of the Moment: Code I-Think-We're-Good-Guys-Now