Alpha Male

Last night, was pretty sleepless on the cold floor of the hostel. I knew it would have made more sense to drive home and drive back into the city. Not that the floor was uncomfortable. The floor was great. The lack of soap and towels and other random things that come with home living were sorely missed, particularly after having traversed half of Newtown in search of a cab the night previous. And using other people for charity was irksome, reminding me of my current lack of employment.

When trying to solve the riddle of what to have for breakfast, the gang galloped into a comic book store. Brendan and Noah became attached at the hip, while Tuneil scoured the shelves for... (perhaps Firefly?) Having a fairly sick Louise on my hands, I pulled her away from the comics, heading towards a nearby cafe where much food was ordered to quench their hangover pains. The rest joined us shortly thereafter and the breakfast feast for 5 totalled around $90.

We headed off from there to Sculptures by the Sea; a collaborative art installation along the Bondi coast walk. It was less than inspiring really. A few quirky pieces but all in all, too crowded, windy, and noisy to be considered a real cultural delight.

I had hoped to visit Manly for the Ben and Jerry's scoop shop. But by the time 2pm came around, it wasn't really on the cards anymore and we settled to visit another time.

It became apparent too late that we had missed out on lunch. So, Tuneil and Louise thought a late Newtown lunch with a possible cameo of No-Show-Justin would be a fine plan to execute. Trouble was, No-Show-Justin remained true to his name. Also, the cafe on Louise's mind had closed their kitchen with only coffee and cake on the menu after 3pm.

Being therefore all tired and grumpy from no food, we all lost interest in having fun. I was looking forward to a cafe for "lunch" because I was feeling a little sick myself and only really wanted something small. Perhaps a cookie. Perhaps a muffin. Louise was however in need of something more substantial to settle her stomach pains.

I suggest Tart Cafe and felt alive enough to walk the 1.5kms to Erskineville. But once again, I prove too egocentric for others who didn't feel up-to the hike. And then, when we got there, they had only JUST stopped food service to tables. Bastards. So across the road was a pizza parlour that intrigued a few people. Sadly, pasta and pizza and potatoes all looked too heavy for me, especially being 4pm and close to dinner. (Also on the way there, I found a tiny 100ml tub of creamy creamy Ben and Jerry's Vanilla ice-cream at a random cafe. Eating that rich cream on an empty stomach made me real queazy.)

Anyway, I ditched my planned Spring Awakening audition in North Sydney, and came home to update mum's iPhone with new software.

Fruit of the Moment: caramelised banana with dusted cinnamon

I just got this guitar a while ago and I don't know what all the switches do yet.

Imagine light, blinding you at 6am when you're trying to sleep. Imagine me waking up despite all odds and starting to bake cookies, with a glorious mop of bed hair and a fashionable summer-esque Van Heusen night shirt. Then you'll have a pretty good idea of my morning.

Then imagine coffee, in the afternoon sun. Erskineville, dusk and windy with the sun bright enough to give bite but soft enough to tolerate. And a conversation with someone who ultimately reminds you of an ex flatmate with their tone, posture and mannerisms.

Then, if you will, a new band of epic epicness The Wild Frontier with lead drummer Leon. You know, the sexy guy from Lovesong who composed the swanky soundtrack? Yeah, him and his band. It was a pretty sweet gig. Charity venue Curiousworks gave the band a free ride for their launch and what a ride! The Surry Hills based New Yorkish loft apartment overlooking Central Station was completely fabulous. I'm working overtime in developing a new theatrical use for the space.

Last but not least, find a hunky guy amongst the friends of friends in the crowd. He may or may not be flirting with you, so you ask if he digs dudes*. His endearing embarrassment in conformation signals that he's with mates who don't know yet. So, treading lightly you acquire his number to utilise at a later date. (Seriously guys, pretty darn hunky).

I felt like partying on post 2am, but instead fell asleep on the floor of a hostel post 3 cookies in preparation for tomorrow's Sydney morning breakfast.

Fruit of the Moment: Stood up for a nap

*that is, after you text a common friend for a wiki update on the subject, only to find that no one really knows.

You're not the boss of the Kangaroos!

And today was the combined year 1 / kindergarten class from short attention span hell. Hands on head knew no boundaries. The teacher had left like this intense lesson plan thingy on her desk with no way of following it. Everyone teaches differently. If I went up to you and told you how to do your job for a day you'd be like... 'er.. fuck off Kenney, imabe doing my own thang'.

Tonight was all about the cupcake-bake-a-thon. I picked up rolled oats for cookies I was never going to make and started beating butter and eggs like the filthy whores they are. And pretty soon... all 115 babies were born, iced and topped with Jaffas.

I don't know how I'm getting them into the city tomorrow, but i'll think of something when the fumes from the rum buttercream stop addling my brain. Also, I had two cupcakes. So i'm pretty far gone. Because I'm a light weight when it comes to plonk. I get a hangover from christmas pudding.

Fruit of the Moment: Bum Ruttercream

I read your blog.

When the highlight of you Kindy experience includes kids coming up to you all day and hugging your leg to say hello, and having to deal with a little boy crying because a girl in the class had told him he was going to marry a girl, you know you have a pretty sweet deal.

I was of course really tired because when I got home last night, I watched Whatever Works and didn't make bed until 11:30pm. So, by the time the afternoon came, the 3pm home bell was welcomed.

Louise picked me up early to jott off to Ingleburn High School's "Platinum" Music Night. We attempted rice paper rolls. But having enjoyed some last night for dinner, these home made variety were a little lack lustre. Good thing I had a stir fry pre-packed to replace it, insulting Louise's cooking while I was at it.

The talent night was pretty decent. I went to watch Sean make a fool of himself singing in front of a live audience. I stayed when he did a great job. A really good job. His brother was also part of several bands. Typical high school muso stuff really- the bland ordinary splattered among the extremely talented. Also, typical high school audience with their obnoxious talking over every performance attitude. *shakes head in pointlessness*

Along the lines of Epic circumstances, I got to meet Angus finally as well. He wasn't the 12 foot robot from space I had expected. Shame. But he was pretty decent. Brendan even drove him home when the Aneesa had forgotten her driver's licence.

I skyped the Sean before bed to arrange future rewards of pancakes. The day is coming. Watch out world.

Fruit of the Moment: Realising pesto contains oil

nanna was right

Another day of repetition.

Another day of repetition.

See what I did there? It was funny. I hope to think i'm occasionally humorous. But I've come to realise that more often than humorous, I come off as having little to no emotions in favour for being rational.

The simple explanation is that I'm a rational person I guess. Somewhat over rational perhaps, but in broad terms a Black-And-While-Person.

The unfortunate thing is that most of the world sees the greys I can never fathom.

Along with a beige day of kindergarten, I sewed a hole in my pants, washed my mother's hair and continued on with the super secret project. Which is, like most things I do, of more benefit to those I don't know than to people I do.

Fruit of the Moment: Rum Buttercream

Who doesn't like comic sans?

When a man has got a deadline, its amazing how organised his week can become. Take for instance this week. I have work every day- hard work at that. Kindergarten may be lower end on the content, but the management more than makes up for it. Up! UP! UP!! All day long, just positives and reinforcing ideas and repetition and re-reading and the same instruction over and over again.

In anycase, I had no time this week (expect this afternoon) to meet a friday deadline for some artwork that is now "complete" and above. And the timing frustrated me a great deal because Leila went to see that owl movie tonight and it would have been awesome to have gone too. Alas, instead I had to buy cheese for the photo-shoot and ingredients to fuel the 100 cupcakes i'm preparing come Friday evening for this.

It seems the mastermind of all cunning trickery has coerced me into aiding his weird cult. So soon, they all can enjoy the tasty little cakes while Halloweening it up, Sydney harbour cruise style. Expect an update in a special* Friday-Night-At-Home-Edition of Kenney Blog, coming this Friday.

In any case, I dusted off my camera Arthur and together, we shot cheese like it was a slutty shank of man meat with a knife stuck in it's side. And a few hours later with the aide of a delightful font Lane, the flyer was born. Now to see if the producers like it.

Another early night for Kenney. This could be the start of a beautiful sleeping trend.

Fruit of the Moment: Canadian Bacon

*special? pfft!

Justin Bieber has Cancer in Jail

To begin the week with a heavy helping of scheduling is a comforting thought. Securing a gig at Ruse for a week, working my way through their entire Kindergarten department has given me a slight boost in funds to say the least and a concrete approach to diet and sleep.

Today was exhausting. By 2pm I just wanted a nap. Maybe it was the prospect of spending so much time this week working in regular working hours. In anycase it has given some stability in what I eat, when I sleep, and how I view time-off.

This afternoon, I had the last in a series of 4 needles starting way back in March? May? It was for Hepatitis B or A or something like that. I don't remember. I just remember the needle sticking into my arm, causing discomfort and dizziness.

I hate needles. They are so jabby jabby. I decided to reward my bravery with 3 episodes of The Big Bang Theory, an episode of The IT Crowd and a can of Wholegrain Vegetable Soup with Barley. And don't let the heart foundation tick of approval fool you... it's really quite tasty. For soup.

Fruit of the Moment: Multiple offerings of Banana Pancakes.

without attracting unwanted comparisons to lady bits

I called up my decision to not join the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels cast this morning on my way over to Louise's house. Being a little sad about not getting in to either DRS (in the part I auditioned for), or the playwriting festival (or Arcadian's 2011 season, or as a Director at Buck's Rock this year) my sister thought it would be nice day to chill out.

I spent the morning pretty much uselessly watching Tuneil, Brendan and Louise be garderners in the rain while I made myself a cup of tea and watched my mac burn a DVD for dad.

When that had come to a close, Tuneil, my sister and I went to see sexy sexy Ryan Reynolds in Buried. For a film about a guy trapped in a wooden coffin for 90 minutes, it was not only engaging but well shot. The lighting had me marvelling at the DOP's genius. In anycase, it was entertaining enough to warrant a second helping of movie goodness. So, we saw dreamy dreamy Josh Duhamel in Life As We Know It, which stuck pretty much to the formula you would expect from that-kind-of-thing and was better for it. Crying and laughing all the way through was just what the doctor ordered.

The new eating plan looks like it is on the rocks. I made a pizza for dinner tonight because I was craving a piece of carrot cake all day. So it seems I'm not yet eating right for the right reasons. Not that the pizza I made could have been considered unhealthy by a long shot. We'll see how it pans out with a structured five days of Kindergarten ahead of me this week.

Fruit of the Moment: Wet Dog

I never say no to a banana

Preempting my alarm by 2 minutes this morning was once again an awesome display of skill that nobody saw. I had an hour to get around to Louise's for her garden party. We were to drive upto Tim's Garden Centre at 9am to find all the pretty flowers and trees to plant for today.

Unfortunately when I arrived, not a single mouse was in the house. Save of course, the washing up. So I buried myself in cleaning the dining room and kitchen while I waited for her to come home. Also in setting up all the cupcakes I made, I decided to make additional banana bread with the over ripe bananas from her fruit bowl.

And when the masses arrived for the day of garden labor, I was pretty much done from all the cleaning and cooking and washing etc that I didn't feel like doing much gardening at all. It was just as well too. I am pretty much useless with a shovel.

All day, I marvelled at how may people turned up to turn up the backyard soil.

One low point was director Jay from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels ringing to confirm that I didn't have the part I auditioned for. Which didn't really call for a stop press or anything, but you know. I was asked to be in the ensemble, but am not feeling that anything positive could come of it.

Later, it was great to be rescued by Leila for some coffee and chat before she continued onto the Blue Mountains for the evening.

Later than that, it was great to watch bucket loads of water pour from the sky to cement the gardening.

Later than even that, I found it hilarious that the ratio of straight to gays at my sister's house was 50/50.

Much later than even that, we had Mondos for dinner and didn't get to see Ryan Reynolds in Buried.

And... At-The-End-Of-All-Things, my play was not selected for the Macarthur Playwriting Festival. This is not a good year for theatre. Nor am I going to sleep happy.

Fruit of the Moment: gingersnap crumble gelato

You throw like a woman on drugs

So I have another day teaching the same charming class at Ruse. Only this time there's grade sport involved and I am thrusted into taking the senior cricket team. Talk about clueless.

I have no idea how or why people play cricket. And here I was spending an hour with foul mouthed 11 year olds, all competing to be the next batter.

Eventually, when the "bowling practice" got lame after 25 minutes, they begged for a game. I was petrified. How was I to settle anything if I had no clue how things worked? Lucky, I cooly collected my thoughts and said the game would run on one condition; that the team captain would be the umpire. Genius.

After school, it pours down in buckets. And I visit Centrelink for the fortnightly reporting thingy.

After Centrelink, came baking cupcakes. I made 24 of the little buggers and they took me the better part of 4 hours. Bake, wash, dry, ice, whip, chop, bake, mix, clean, wipe, wash, repeat... Urgh. You know life is pretty shitty when friday nights are spent baking cupcakes and you're in bed by 9pm.

Fruit of the Moment: Invitation insincere

Like it's literally... I don't know, I don't know. Woteva.

The sun woke me up at a delightful 6am this morning. And as the warmth of the room slowly seeped into my awakeness, I pleasantly lay in comfort until 6:40am where I got up 20 minutes earlier than I had set my alarm for.

Off to school and to discover I had a morning playground duty. Which I was 5 minutes late for. The staff it seems were having a meeting, so they thought it would be wise placing me on playground. Wish I had known. As a result, I got no photocopying done so the day was spent on improvisation mode.

In the delightful 2/3 class at Ruse, we tore through the following:

• Reading 2 chapters of boom! by Mark Haddon.
• Playing detective with a Jack and Jill murder mystery.
• Appropriating a poem called The Blob by Wes MaGee
• Bizz Buzzing through Math
• And shouting at over 100 noisy children when they didn't stop for a whistle in fitness.

Also finding time after school to catch up with Tuneil and Noah for a coffee, we celebrated Noah's first day of "Big School" with chocolate milks and banana bread. I of course, had the long black.

Dad complained about not being in the blog for a while after being picked up from the station. So, yeah.

Louise rang me afterwards and we ended up shopping for her Halloween costume before watching the (not surprisingly) disappointing Paranormal Activity 2. We ended up also buying swanky new 1950's style swimmers for Louise at Pretty & Twisted. We also found a dress that no one other than Tuneil could ever wear. She must buy it.

Dad, (or rather what I assume to have been Dad) just made an eerie high pitch sound in his sleep. As his bedroom door is shut, it freaked me out a little. Stupid crappy scary movies making me hear things.

Fruit of the Moment: Raw Egg Drizzle

I'm ok with kissing a guy lol

When you spend your morning sharing delicious pancakes with Leila at Lee and Me, only to discover upon your return home that they have put out a cattle call for a graphic designer, it kind of gets you excited. Well, excited and scared.

The pancakes were delicious and I spoke with a "Ben" who was happy to take my resume. Fingers crossed!

That dusted, I was clear to accomplish other things today. Like try to fit into new pants that I can no longer fit into because I bought them when I was anorexic and it now makes me sad. I did that. Also, I got really down about my weight rising.

I seemed to be really depressed after coming home from America. And eating like a caveman wasn't helping the matter. So, stopping the diet after three weeks and eating foods out of comfort for the next three temporarily made me feel content with the world. I felt excited about joining in with people when they ordered pizza, and such.

But I look at myself now in the mirror. And I feel so unfulfilled. I don't have delusions of career hopping into a CK modelling agency, but from where I stand I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. And I need some kind of balance. Some kind of happiness within myself that says "if-you-don't-like-this-then-fuck-off-you-superficial-bitch". That would be good.

But I just don't know what to do about it. I resolved today to start up a diet or sorts again. I just can't see the longevity. I am implementing the 80/20 rule of eating overly sensibly for 80% of the time, while eating what I crave 20% of the time. Essentially, It gives me three meals a weeks to live it up. So, I'm trailing it until my birthday which is 2 months away. What can I accomplish If I eat without indulgences bar three meals a week? Lets hope the happiness detailed above.

I also continued the top secret project that nobody knows about due to its secretness. Although, today the muggles really got me real down. It was pretty harsh and I got all moody about it. Clue #2 of the super secret project is that one person I know, knows about it.

Fruit of the Moment: Park bench dinner spot

Faculty of Infomatics

The inconvenient sun decided not to wake me up at a respectable hour today and left me sleeping until 11am. Which was inconvenient (of course) because I wanted to be down in Wollongong by this time being busy on my swanky new website.

So instead, I left at 12:30 which was 30 minutes after my mother got up. I felt it was significantly difficult spending time with her this morning, particularly after she had decided to stop talking with me yesterday. We said maybe a few words before I left.

Louis had offered to help set up a new website for me, which included using the less than stressful Wordpress website format. I haven't gotten very far, but it looks as if I can handle most of the tricky bits and pieces by just treading through some how-tos on Google.

Mostly it was cool to hang out with Louis in his swankily wallpapered office. We also took a trip to Wollongong University where he was meeting an client of his. Louis makes iPhone applications. Strange as it was to revisit the university of my youth, I was rewarded with a cookie.

Unfortunately after setting up the initial stages of the website, some kind of internet technical link problems occurred and rendered me without the ability to edit anything. For like 2 days! Also, while figuring this out, a flatmate of Louis' came home and I decided I rather pointlessly fancied him and his american drawl. But seeing as though I spot attractive men whom I consider to be straight on a daily basis, I thought nothing of it.

The weird thing about spending time at the uni was seeing so many young people. They were everywhere being all young in their 18-23 year old age brackets. And by the time I left Gwynneville to head off for dinner at Leila's, I had time to spot spunky men out for their evening runs on every corner. Tens of them all running in their taunting We-Have-Stronger-Knees-Than-You ways. Stupid fit guys and their exercising tauntingness.

Breakfast at Lee and Me tomorrow. Huzzah!

Fruit of the moment: Forgotten Vodka Pasta

of-frickin-course they do

When I woke up this morning, I deliberately turned off my phone at 8am. Having not received a call from casual direct by 8, I somehow rationalised cheating the last 20 minutes I could have been rung for a job today. I celebrated this with a little nap while my phone continued to be silent.

My task today was to apply for more jobs and write down some ideas for this picture book I was musing over yesterday while waiting for Tuneil at Mac Square. Somehow, this turned into watching an episode of Gossip Girl while anxiously waiting to hear back from Rockdale Musical Society in regards to my audition on Saturday (said phone call never happened but rehearsals begin on Nov 22 anyway). It is just annoying how pressing it feels to me.

Later, this turned into watching episodes of The Big Bang Theory. And eventually, this turned into being interrupted while watching The Big Bang Theory when Mum got up and had finished her recreational computer time.

I really don't know my place yet under her roof. At the moment, I'm completely obligated to at any time do whatever I am asked of due to the free rent situation. And this has really bugged me since I got back from America. Things like cleaning and moving furniture around and other can-you-help-me-with-this-now moments (which I am happy to do, but feel obligated into at the same time).

So, today when Mum once again asked what job I would get if this "Graphic Design Thing" doesn't work out, I harshly told her I would be jobless until I had the job I wanted. This of course raised how I can't live forever with a free ride (rent and bill free) for "much longer". And after a heated argument, I was told to have a job by Christmas or look for different work.

Which is (by the way) completely un-fucking-acceptable.

So, the alternate was to start paying a third of the bills and rent after this Christmas Deadline. Which, if it comes to that, I'll just move out over because it would be $50-$100 more to live independently and who wouldn't find that more worth while?

In anycase, this translated to "I-Don't-Love-You-Mother". Which is utter tripe.

I was then (rightly) criticised for watching The Big Bang theory all day in place of looking for a decent job. So I made it clear that I make my own decisions about what I do and when, including what career I chose to have regardless of whatever degree I was pushed into. Mum, emotionally hurt couldn't take looking at me any more. So, she stopped speaking to me mid sentence and left the room.

I tried to make pancakes for dinner but it was a fucking disaster. My fault for being so blunt with my Mother I suppose. Curse you kitchen gods.

Fruit of the Moment: Sandwich smell

God dam it people, let's do something... Let's look at televisions

Sometimes, it's really difficult to blog about your emotional state. The lines of who and what to talk about are blurred when people involved may end up reading about it. And that's never a fun picnic. But it sometimes leaves me with a lot to say without being able to responsibly publish it.

Today is not such a day, but I have been recently dwelling on issues unable to report to you all. Whoever you may be.

This "morning" at 11am, I leaped out of bed to stop my phone from continuing its loud noise making and really strained my neck. It was, my mother ringing. Later at 2pm I rang back to see if anything was urgent, only to discover the call was just a 'hi; how are you' sort of call.

My neck continued to be strained (up until now actually) as I tagged along with Leila and Glen in their quest of nesting. It seems, when you have a house you also like to make things (like the garden) super fantastically awesome.

Met up with Tuneil and Noah for Sushi Train dinner, which should have been my full dinner. But when we met up with my sister and her Brendan at Mondos for dessert, she ordered a pizza for her dinner and I had 3 slices. Along with a 2 scoop gelato bowl.

It's always great to hang out with Noah. He's a really charming 5 year old. Enough monkey to be spunky and enough manners to be controlled. He was just as charming this evening too. Especially when hero Uncle Brendan turned up.

Louise and I went to see LET ME IN tonight at the cinema. It was so good. It was delicious cinema. It was 'discuss the themes of evil' for year 11 English good.

Fruit of the Moment: Detergent in a fountain

It's for my penis reduction surgery

I get up at like what? 6am this morning just to work up levels of nervousness not yet thought up by mankind in preparation for my Dirty Rotten Scoundrels audition at 9am. To distract myself I brewed a shit load of tea and made Anzac cookies. I guessed the committee members sitting outside the audition room could use a few snacky snacks during their long day of waiting.

Anyhew, I drive to Rockdale with a new singalong mix tape of the two songs I was auditioning with, plus an interlude of a Dirty Rotten Scoundrels song to give my voice a 4 minute rest between songs. It worked well, and I got the songs pretty much down.

Then the audition with its short shortness, my bland okay singing and the lack of needing two songs in the first place. It was okay though. Jay, the director got me to read like half a script for the character, and then got me to continue with the rest of the scene without direction or change. Must have meant there was something okay. Dancing was a little girly. But I was the only dude in a group of eight. Go testosterone!

The best I can legitimately hope for at the moment is a callback. What I am expecting after a really enthusiastic "Thanks for coming in Ken" is a lack of success in obtaining the part.

So, that done and the wind blowing a mighty vengeance against the world, I visit Leila for a Lee and Me luncheon. Glen tagged along, but he left as we continued onto such amazingly interesting shopping locales as bead shops and such.

This evening after much browsing for new televisions, we joined forces with Jonathan and his wife Naomi for CATAN NIGHT 2010; including Thai approved by Leila and ice-cream selected by myself.

I won the Catan game. Mostly because everyone was focused on the IT crowd.

Fruit of the Moment: French Earl Grey

let me fight my gag reflex first

An excerpt from my cover letter dated October 15th, 2010:

"This opportunity would provide a challenging and satisfying work environment, combining my skills across several career paths. I am a dedicated hard worker with a keen eye for detail and a passion for colour theory. I am familiar with the pre-press process, and have worked on all facets of design from conception, photography through to print or distribution. Not to mention being an avid fan of the Nigella Lawson series. With my education and experience, I feel I can make a valuable contribution to your publishing firm."

Fairly satisfying to submit my first few resumes of the job hunting season. Especially when it's for jobs I'm actually excited about.

For the rest of the day however, I made sure I was watching videos of Josh Thomas on Youtube.

Tomorrow, I have an audition for Rockdale Musical Society's Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Since seeing the show in America last year, I've been a big fan. Hence, I'm more than nervous about the success of tomorrow's audition. The odds are definitely against my favour.

I'm never good at auditions. I get all jittery and spluttery and usually screw up lyrics. Opening night? I'm cool as a cucumber. Speaking in front of a group of people? Nerves of steel. But put me at the mercy of three smiling people there to judge if they can work with you for three months in rehearsals to resemble something not unsimilar to the character you audition for and... I crumble. Plus, you give your music to a poor piano player who's a) never heard of the song before and b) forced to sight read on the spot. It just makes you more nervous when the timing is not what you have in your head.

Enter the other reasons why tomorrow will be nerve-wracking...

1.There are other talented people audition. People I would cast in the role I want if I were directing.

2. The MD (musical director) reminds me that I sing off key. This sprawls back to CATS rehearsals when I sang the wrong harmony. Loudly. Since, he hasn't let me forget it. I can never tell if he's just fucking with me or really believes it.

3. Mix this in with knowing half the casting committee and you have sad pandas in your stomach.

So, I'll be psyching up in the car tomorrow morning driving to Wollongong. Lets see how many words I'll forget this time eh? I will be channeling a very talented actor by the name of Matt Smith tomorrow. Hopefully, this will help me focus the character of FREDDY more.

Fingers crossed. I WANT THIS. lol.

Fruit of the Moment: Dim Sim

Hang in there, we'll be with you really soon.

I had a few more pages of work to get through this morning. The play was shaping up nicely and the characters were coming together.

The trouble was I was writing myself into introducing a 6th character on the last page if I continued the trend of the narrative. Luckily, my 3rd grade teacher had in her wisdom invented editing. With some last minute adjustments, I had me a published work. And with no parallels to certain vampire teen dramas I entitled the play "Phawkes" (with an alternate title of "Leila II").

Roomie Rob helped out on facebook chat this morning with the line "I basically know you better than you know yourself". It's always great to speak with my ex Buck's Rock roomie. He's such a shameless flirt that I always feel good about myself while talking to him. In anycase, the line he provided negated the need for a 6th character. So yeah, awesome.

I had been instructed to motivate Mum into clean mode at 10am sharp, when in fact I left to post the play at 10am sharp. Actually, I also had to go into Centrelink to print the darn thing as well. Seeing it jet out of the printer was a satisfying feeling. I had a small twinge of fear handing it over to the post office not 10 minutes later to await it's journey to the judges' table. Mostly because I want it to be selected. Last year, my submission to the same competition wasn't as nerve-wracking for some reason.

The day dissolved quickly from creative tasks to domestic housework. There was dust and grime to be swept, sheets and towels to be washed (OMFG! The towels are still in the washing machine) and floors to be vacuumed. That by the end of it, my legs were telling me I needed sleep.

Not to be outdone, I baked the world's biggest ANZAC cookies (bigger than my fist) and encored preparing pizza for three. There was very little in the house leaning towards the definition of cheese, so I had to make do with 3 slices of Coon, a third of a packet of shaved parmesan and a tiny portion of tasty cheese.

Fruit of the Moment: Hyperbole

Your smile is captivating

Waking up this morning with my two CODAPANE FORTE tablets made my day super dooper cruisy. I was pain free and a little shy of an aching neck. Also, an evening trip into Nurofen land was also helpful.

What was MOST important is that I could drive again. And to celebrate, I went to see Dr Philip for a follow up from yesterday's trip to the hospital. According to him, this neck muscle spasm thingo happens all the time. Ever twisted the wrong way and had a sore neck for like three-ish days? Well, that's what happened to me. Only it was really painful.

Good news is that this sort of thing, if repeated can be treated instantly with acupuncture. But it was a very good sign that I "recovered" in a day. If by "recovered" you mean being doped out by drugs and passing out in a hospital for three hours, then lets celebrate with a glass of OJ.

I also started a top secret project today. It's pretty top secret in its secrecy. So you're not allowed to know about it and I'm not allowed to tell you about it. But I will say I was advised not to tell you anything about it. So there. Enjoy whatever you got out of that for now.

I also was scheduled to finish my short play to submit to the Macarthur Playwriting Festival. But with all the dramatic doctors visits and secret projects and buying of groceries, I only had time to ALL BUT finish off the script.

It's coming along very nicely. All the characters are exactly where they need to be. Which actually worked out better than I had anticipated. I've got about 2 pages more to write and then I've got editing to iron out all the kinks. Should be fun for tomorrow.

Also, I'm starting to think about life and what it means. Why I hate Sydney and still live here. Why I never stand still for two seconds. Am I trying to subconsciously avoid growing up? Gee, I hope not. I need to start accepting responsibility in order to find a full time job, and a kitchen with my name engraved on its stone bench top.

Fruit of the Moment: Diggers

d'awwwwwww :3

Okay, two things happened today.

Both intense, both dramatic.

First off, before getting ready for school, I got chatting online to a camper from Buck's Rock. America's timezones are super different to Australia's, so it would have been about 9pmish for him. Anyway, it turns out that recently he came out to his parents.

WOAH. Thats pretty darn extraordinary. I mean, I didn't know who I was at 16. It's an amazing thing for a young guy to be in a safe and confident enough place to be in the position where he feels the end of the world will not occur when he comes out of the closet.

Cos thats what it felt like for me. It took me over a year to tell everyone I knew. I didn't even figure it out until I was like 23 and even then it took me a month to tell Leila. When ever I would tell someone new it was like they suddenly were going to throw me to the wolves, or suddenly find me repulsive or worse hate me.

In anycase my point is, it's great that somewhere, out in that big world are teenagers who feel brave enough to admit to themselves and their family who they actually are.

Secondly, (and the tablets are starting to take effect so I'll be brief) I went to hospital.

It was 8am and I had developed some pain in my neck after a particularly hot shower. Getting dressed was a little painful, but I was used to daily aches and pains. You know how you would walk for 30kms the day before or do some weights and have sore legs or joints all day? That's generally what my body does all the time. So its natural for me to be working all day with a sore back or sore legs or sore arms.

I remember when I had a year 5 class in 2006, my personal trainer at the time had me really working my arms. And telling the kids the next day I had sore arms would result in many friendly jabs and slaps. They found this hilarious. Hah. Hilarious. I really do miss that class.

In anycase, putting on my jumper before heading out the door was like a thunderbolt awakening inside of me. In just a simpel action of raising my hands above my head followed with neck pain so excruciating, that freezing was unbearable and moving made it worse.

Panicing, I truly thought one wrong move would result in losing the ability to walk. It took me all my energy to slowly shuffle over to mum's door, a mere 10 meters from where I stood and talk to her while hunched over in a frozen curved shape.

2o minutes later I was in a car feeling every jolt and brake on the way to Camden hospital. Mum of course played doctor and was listing my medical history, which she felt compelled to repeat to several nurses and doctors. We got into a bed fairly quickly after checking in and within moments I had swallowed a cup of pills, received a surprise injection and collapsed after feeling a sudden cold chill pass through my entire body and passed out until midday.

Louise, my sister it seems was also sick from work today and came around to visit when Mum had brought me home. Even Maureen and Veronica came around. Everyone in the family was calling up and asking about me. My grandmother had told everyone it seemed, and It really made me feel I mattered when Mum's phone kept ringing off the hook to see if I was okay.

Since then and a lot of rest, the drugs have numbed the pain to being sore. And in the evening, when mum made me pumpkin, asparagus and mushroom pie the soreness had turned into a stiffness through sitting in the same chair for pretty much the whole day. Although it was still sore to move.

I hope tomorrow I'm able to drive into town.

Fruit of the Moment: Ice Cream Party

On the weekend, I went to the park and my brother went to jail.

Back to school with the rest of NSW and I find myself with a few more days of Kindergarten to administer. Yay paycheck.

Seriously, I had the cutest bunch of 5 year olds this side of the Bridge. Not that they weren't a handful, just adorable while they were at it. I can tell you my energy levels just went from on to off when 4pm came.

What currently frustrates me is the urgency of applying for new jobs vs the coming school holidays. I've got about 5 jobs lined up to write cover letters for, but while Im taking care of classrooms I can't fathom giving that a real chance until later this week. Plus I have that playwriting competition I'm yet to finish my submission for. Hopefully the whole thing can sort itself out asap.

The waiting line at Centrelink was boring as all heck this afternoon but thankfully fast-ish.

I tried to return to some dieting habits today, but didn't really have the motivation to continue past 6pm. I watched Astro Boy this evening. It was kinda ordinary.

Fruit of the Moment: Candy Corn

RTFM

Apparently, waking people up at 10:30am on a Sunday constitutes as a sleep-in. This fact, brought to you by the world of Glen Jackson. This was not my most favourable memory of the day, but it paved the way for a whole lot of fun in the sun.

Putting my Monopoly playing urges aside, I insisted that Glen and Leila use the last day of the school holidays to have a beach picnic. Glen chose the picnic location, Leila chose the yoghurt and I chose the car. Several layers of sunscreen later, we were all propped up on a blanket on a secluded Wingdang beach enjoying chicken, bread and (in my case) deep fried potato sticks.

Later, Leila needed to return home in preparation for her sister arriving. This both aggravated Styx the cat (he hissed at their arrival) and prevented people from playing Bananagrams. In the end however, I was running late to drive up to Double Bay to catch up with Gen. So I left.

In equal parts diagnostic and downloading, we exhaled our latest woes about the men or lack of men in our lives. Specifically my problems involved unexplored territory, brought upon through events which have made me reconsider how I feel in regards to things. Which, when diagnosed via Gen, had a logical and simplistic approach to plot the new grounds. I look forward to deciding weather or not her advice was suited.

We watched TRON. Also, her older brother found it necessary to strip to his underwear in front of us while the movie was playing. Which I didn't mind due to the tiny man-slut that lives inside my brain. TRON was great.

Fruit of the Moment: Vicarious Coconut

OH...

Waking up at 6am on a Saturday has never felt so dam good :)

I spent the day with Louise and Brendan at Leura Fair; an annual event for Leura and collective of all jams and preserves known to man-kind. Plus a whole chicken. Louise had us candle shopping, and I had us boutique paper browsing. Brendan got some coke straw glasses at the toy store.

The rain didn't dampen the dapper mood I was in. In fact, it inspired me to buy a vest while in a second hand vintage store. I was looking through the racks of amazingly awesome clothes thinking they would look much better on someone else specifically, until I found a zany purple knit top. Then I bought it, no longer concerned that the rest of the store looked better elsewhere.

I managed to sleep all the way back from the mountains to Louise's house, giving me ample time to both upload Dollhouse for her before jotting off to Wollongong for a pizza adventure with Leila and Glen.

Polishing up on my dyslexia, I practiced the difference between saying 'Harry' and 'Hagrid' while reading chapter five from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (or for my American readers: Sorcerer's Stone).

Then, for dessert we laughed through CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS. I laughed once again at the England bashing and Leila laughed at the Rat-birds. There were many more things to laugh at, but you should watch for yourselves.

Fruit of the Moment: 1.2mb per second!?

You untagged yourself? Oh wait, no you didn't.

It's a great feeling to have finally taken that first step towards a job. Now all that I need do is apply myself in piles of applications for the next month while I await my Prince Charming to recruit me in my dream job.

Prince Charming of course is not a romantic interest in this fantasy, although it would help matters if he were tall dark and handsome. No, I'm looking for a marriage of such to my new career and I'm going all the way with this one.

Never before have I set out to find a full time job. Any school or place I have earned a pay-check was the result of good timing, exclusive membership or random-hapenstance. Now, the tables have turned and this cow is looking to be sold.

In anycase, I took my sweet time to start. After breaking my long term relationship with my portable scanner and tidying up my old hard-drive files, I sat outside with my sister's Labradoodle Link and completed my resume/portfolio in one afternoon.

It was only therefore fitting to celebrate with Louise, Tuneil and her charming boy Noah (who demanded to ride on my shoulders after dinner at Mondos).

Fruit of the Moment: Blue Sky

You do what you need to

My morning today was 2pm.

I made cookies today. And I washed up. And I watched Gossip Girl.

And thats it. I tried to navigate the Centrelink website, but found it too difficult to do.

Im not down or lazy or depressed or suicidal. I've just got nothing to look towards and need to refuel.

Fruit of the Moment: Burnt Wholegrain Mustard

My box hurts

I got up so early and just remember thinking; why?

I did need to drive Mum to pick up her ex pets. But that about wraps it up for today. Nothing else was required of me. Oh yeah, except for my trip to the doctors. Big help that was. Apparently I can't run anymore, and I need to see a physiotherapist. I'm told they cost a butt-load of cash so its pretty hopeless at the moment. Oh, and also I should talk to my family and friends about being depressed because they all have university degrees in phycology.

I finished up Dollhouse. It was lame 'they' axed yet another good show.

Tonight possibly be the first night in a while that I sleep in a bed. I haven't deserved one lately and the floor reminds me of Buck's Rock. But I've developed a sore throat and shouldn't continue floor sleeping just in case it's making me sick as well.

Fruit of the Moment: Mango Cheesecake

4 shizle

With very little sleep due to watching more Dollhouse episodes than planned last night, I drove into Sydney Domestic Airport. There, I found some really awful coffee along with two Wollongong residents returning home from their Melbourne holiday.

So, I took them home and watched more Dollhouse.

I just seem to have no reason to get working on a resume or a portfolio or any job hunting.

I've just got nothing to look towards. No one to answer for and no responsibilities. Getting a Job now will start me on the path to a mortgage and later, a prison of discontentment. How many days can I survive without having to face being locked in a prison of my own making? Not many.

Fruit of the Moment: Secret Coconut

Are you already here?

The days are starting to melt together.

One day becomes another in a series of circumstances leading to nowhere.

Today for instance, I visited a Nan Tien Temple. Reportedly the largest Buddhist temple in the southern hemisphere. I was catching up with a friend from Wollongong, and rather than the standard coffee, he suggested the vegetarian cafe there for lunch.

I wasn't really in the mood for a debrief on my state of woe-is-me today, so I was surprised at spending the whole time answering questions about why America was so shit, and how much woe-is-me there is at the moment.

In anycase, this paved way for an evening alone with Dominos online delivery service and Snow Falling on Cedars. Unfortunately, it couldn't hold my interest for long, so I watched 6 episode of Dollhouse instead.

Fruit of the Moment: Stroll

it seems like it does happen to you alot

When losing a wallet, it is rather important not to panic.

This is what I did today for two hours. I panicked and rummaged and ransacked and emptied contents of bins. I turned furniture upside down, frightened the cat and ran up the street in what I wore to bed hoping to find my brown leather wallet by the side of the road by some miracle.

Good thing that my sister had last night distracted me as I was getting out of my car in the rain. It seems my wallet slipped underneath my car jack on the passenger side, so it was pretty well hidden even for a thorough search of the car.

Fruit of the Moment: Rum and Raisin

I'm glad I wore underwear now

The Coast track. Last year around this time(ish) we trekked down the east coast of Australia for 30kms. This year, we did it again. In the rain. And with more people.

My sister and her partner joined forces with his mate Chris and her bestie Diana. Also, even after all the goading and high heel references, Aneesa didn't make the hike. Sean and I both agreed she never would have made it anyway :)

Starting at Bundeena and ending at Otford was our 19 mile walking journey of funness.

This morning, having prepared no clothes for the trip I thought it would be okay to borrow a pair of Glen's shorts and this rain jacket thingy he had. I would have literally been soaked if I didn't. Also, pantless. Also, it was lucky I had a belt because the pants were a little too big.

The journey which was overcast, cold and rainy took a little over 8 hours. Not including driving time of course. I managed to ever scrape out an idea for the Macarthur Playwriting Festival, which I shall be writing soon.

Pity chucking out last night's junk didn't stop Coles from stocking more of the same stuff today tho.

Fruit of the Moment: Tuna by itself

The pirates hid the treasure on the spaceship

You know you're a lucky guy when a 5 year old screams your name and runs towards you in a crowded room of strangers with reckless abandon and gives you the biggest hug known to mankind.

I happen to have dined with Tuneil today, both at lee and me & Diggies. We took Noah to the beach after Diggies and I enjoyed eating normal food for a day. Of course I went overboard, but I will get to that.

It was amazing to share a really calm day with two great people chatting about things so dramatically looming about our heads. Also, about sisters.

So, when I took a trip to the supermarket I went overboard with the "normal" food. With so much sugar and syrup and candy and ice-cream and deep fried spring rolls, it was near impossible to carry home. I made my self physically sick with stomach cramps, insane indigestion and a sugar headache that could rival the founder's of Baskin Robins. Even now, i'm just hold back on the verge of purging the contents of my stomach.

So I threw it all out. The candy and sugar and ice-cream and cereals and everything I bought for the ultimate sugar rush. Well, I kept the un opened packet of sprinkles and the opened toffee sauce, for Leila if she wanted.

What am I to do? I get so worked up about eating the right thing that the wrong thing becomes unavoidable. PEH! To blazes with the lot of it.

Also, I need to find me some happiness.

Fruit of the Moment: Passing the Time