So i'd look good riding a bike naked.

So, when you stay up until 5am talking to people from home, theres no way you're getting up to visit a park.

My parents took me to Disneyland when I was 11 and they lasted for 5 days straight of theme park madness. Now, I'm half their age and can't take more than one day without needing a day break in between each and I don't have two children driving me nuts at every turn. Whats with that? I have a new found respect for their commitment to Disney back in 1995.

So, there really isn't much to report on today.

I wrote a semi application email to direct a show with the Arcadians in 2011. I say semi because I submitted five show choices; concerned that I'm not in the country to discuss it face to face and that the shows I'm interested in, are not the best sell for their patrons.

Their selection meeting is two days before I get back to Australia, so I'm a little worried I wont be able to communicate my ideas properly.

Tonight, I had dinner reservations at BOMA, which turned out to be an African themed Sizzler. With less than half the classyness. And a waitress who did nothing but show me where to collect my plate from and look at me with a smirk as I said I wasn't waiting for anyone to join me.

Fruit of the moment: Watermelon rind salad

Your cookie is for free, but I have to talk to that guy.

So what you have to appreciate about Disneyworld, is that every park is exactly the same. Save of course the content. Everything is beautifully laid out. Gifts shops and eateries everywhere. A few rides, a few presentations, a heck of allot of ingenuity and of course a few well thought out morals here and there.

Epcot (or Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow) is more of the same. Epcot's theme is 'the world'. Everything is split up into countries that circle a great lake in the centre of the park. And at the entrance? A giant white golf ball (see above) with a automated ride through time detailing our progress with technology from the dawn of time to the present day.

I got to be disappointed with the ever hyped up SOARIN' ride. Where you dangle out over a giant semi-sphere cinema screen as it shows you helicopter footage. It was cool, but also a let down after hearing so much about it being the best experience in the park.

Food was okay too. There were options but the taste was bland and ordinary. And my cookie made me cough for like 20 minutes solid in the line of and during the Donald Duck Mexico boat ride.

There were two male candy sightings today. One was wearing a grey shirt and was approx. my age, Disneyworlding it up by himself. One was wearing a purple shirt, although younger and traveling in a pack of three other duche bags.

Additionally, a staff (or cast member) stopped me walking out of a store and started asking about my shirt. He was for some reason, very impressed by it and it took me too long to work out that he was over the counter flirting. Only without the counter in-between. And without me realising it. But then again, thats often my story.

Got to speak with Tuneil this morning! It's fair to say that 90% of our conversation was about Justin. (The other 10% was spent stalking Justin on facebook). I also got to speak with MISS VEE!!! And it was great to finally meet the mysterious Pete she's been hanging out with. I got to hang out on Skype with Sean this morning as well after he got home from school.

Fruit of the Moment: Not waiting for eggs breakfast

I love your rainbow, it's fabulous!

What are you celebrating sir? Have a magical day.

eh,

whatever.

After last night's late night movie extravaganza with cookies, I had to take a sick day from the parks. My 4pm wake up was a perfect sign to head into the Magic Kingdom for some shopping (and a frozen latte, not to be confused with the by far insufferior frozen cappuccino).

It was pretty much the entire day. Shopping and waiting around for an hour in the freezing air conditioning for a seat at Tony's Italian Restaurant (the one from Lady and the Tramp). After an hour of soul crushing air-con, the restaurant surprised me with an astounding selection of Vegetarian. I had to make a CHOICE! Yeah, I know! The green apple sorbet was astounding too; complete with chunks of apple skin.

Later, the bus shuttle taking me home was also transporting two of the most obnoxious American children you could possibly imagine. Their conversation about absolutely nothing contained the phrase "remember that time when..." allot. And they kept getting louder with each new sentence. They were more than screaming after 20 minutes. One of the two actually developed a horse voice half way through. It was that extreme. I shit you not.

Fruit of the Moment: Zucchini Fries

At least it's less than you expected

Greetings or as they say in Disney's Animal Kingdom: [Insert swahili word for greeting that I forgot].

Today was all about being spun out when the animals laying around the park were actually real. As in, not animatronic. Which is super creepy for Disney.

There I am posing for a camera in front of the Tree Of Life; a massive man made tree with animals carved into the trunk marking the centre of Disney's The Animal Kingdom.

Not much to report on this theme park folks. A pretty decent safari ride with a fair few animals in an open reserve, A few shows including Finding Nemo the Musical, Birds of Flight and Celebration of the Lion King. There was a decent roller-coaster traveling through the Himalayas, and a sweet Dinosaur ride. I had completed the park by 1pm. My best time yet, but not many attractions to check off.

Anyway, I had time to hang out at the hotel room before heading out to a vegetarian feast at one of the Animal Kingdom's deluxe resort restaurants; Sanaa. Turned out to be the best meal I've had at Disney so far, even though it was green beans and rice.

After dinner, I headed down to Pleasure Island at Downtown Disney to catch The Sorcerer's Apprentice and PIRANHA 3D as a double feature at the amc. Both were equally guilty of being deliciously terrible (like the peanut butter cookies I ate). PIRANHA had a decisively higher amount of full frontal lesbian nudity however (unlike the PB cookies).

Fruit of the Moment: Snickerdoodle

Where's your grandmother?

Exhausted and alone, no one made me wake up before 12:40pm. Which is what I did.

Today's enchanted day at Disneyworld had me doing the laundry.

I also (after waiting 50 minutes for a every-20-minutes bus service) traveled down to Downtown Disney; a shopping centre by the sea with a cinema and loads of restaurants. Trying to find a vegetarian option amongst them was difficult. I settled on an Irish Pub after finding out I couldn't use my Disney Pay-For-Everything card to see a movie at AMC. So, no Scott Pilgrim today.

I was looking forward to a meal not based around freedom fries and burgers. Imagine my surprise when the stuffed portobello mushroom dish turned out to be a vegetarian burger with fries. Vegetarian burgers and fries are the only thing here for vegetarians. And I'm not exaggerating. Yesterday, I talked to this woman from a Magic Kingdom Italian restaurant and she looked at me with a frustrated look that said "I know".

Long story short, when it came time to tip the waiter, I had no money on me. So, embarrassingly, I slinked out only having paid for the meal on my Disney Pay-For-Everything card.

Fruit of the Moment: Went-up-my-nose-banana-flavoured-ice-drink

One?

Greetings from the Magic Kingdom. Here I am being a goose in the middle of Main Street USA.

My first day of Disneyworld was spent in the Magic Kingdom. Once there, I successfully completed the park in just under 7 hours. By completing I mean went on every ride save for those that would be uncomfortable for a 26 year old man traveling by himself to ride on. The Tea Cups were a must, but public and awkward I felt. Especially being alone.

The Magic Kingdom plays home to attractions like Space Mountain, The Haunted Mansion, The Pirates of the Caribbean, and Splash Mountain. Such a shame that It's A Small Word is currently closed for repairs. Pity.

I realised early on in the day that I was long overdue for some rest. Falling asleep at 11am while watching the country bear's jubilee was a clear sign that I was exhausted. The best rides of the day were of course Space Mountain: a roller-coaster in pitch blackness (x3), Splash Mountain, and animated interactive stand up show Monster's INC. Laugh Floor (x2). The worst rides included: STICH'S GREAT ESCAPE (shudder), Country Bear Jamboree (snore), and The Enchanted Tiki Room UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT (contemporary sigh).

Best Disneyworld feature evah? A handy thing called FASTPASS. Where you get a ticket for a ride that would have a long line. Go away for 1 hour visiting another ride or grabbing lunch and then cut the line at the designated time you were given on the FASTPASS. It means you can be waiting in two long lines at once. Cutting your time in HALF!

More significantly, Disney does not equal vegetarian. In fact, they go the whole hog. Visitor's meat of choice was this huge Flintstone-like leg bone thing. Everyone held the bottom of the leg and tore the hunky flesh from the top. It looked like a giant meat ice-cream cone. URGH! Notably healthy menu choices for vegetarians include: sugar cookies, cheese & pesto focaccia, freedom fries and coffee. And the one place that sells beans as the third option to beef and chicken, closes at 4pm.

My longest conversation today was at 9:30pm when I purchased a photo of my third turn on Space Mountain from a handsome man receptive to over the counter flirting. It lasted I'd say 4 minutes at most. And he was good at conversation.

Other than this, my day was devoid of human contact. I kept getting compartments to myself on rides, eating by myself in cafeterias and I realised this isn't fun alone.

I'm toying with going to Portland.

Fruit of the Moment: Coffee Thick-shake

For passengers who have not traveled with us since 1957

Ian drove me to the station once again this morning. We shared a coffee and a chat. He seemed real sad to see me leave. I'm sad to leave also.

There was a woman on the train this morning who gave me the tip to get off at 125th street instead of Grand Central for LaGuardia Airport taxi services. She then asked if I was quote unquote "big on musical theatre" (for realz) to which I realised she had been chatting me up. Shame.

Airports suck. Bumping into Royce from Buck's Rock at the airport didn't suck. Getting motion sickness on the way down to Florida did. Also there was a small child vomiting for most of the way there. Also, there wasn't a single television on board. Also, the only food on board was a cookie.

Disneyworld was less than amazing on first impression. Sadly. Mostly because it was overcast and rainy. But the check in process was pretty sweet. Apart from having to lug my own luggage. Which suited me fine. I'm totally impressed that I'm living in the giant head of Buzz Lightyear.

Fruit of the Moment: Butter Pecan