Transaction Failed - Insufficient funds

Things may be glossy and peachy somewhere else in the world, but not this corner of the kingdom. Not around me turning 27.

I got so many phone calls today. Nanny Tess, Brendan, Dad, Justin, Marion, Tuneil, Noah, Leila and Glen all called me to wish me a happy birthday. Facebook and SMS world were also plentiful.

My day really was no different from yesterday, or the day before.

Did it matter that mum had bought me my first mango of the season yesterday? I wasn't too invested in eating one for breakfast this morning. And I waited 2 hours before eating. Likewise, I didn't feel much like eating come lunchtime. Nor did eating serve me well this evening.

I had debated that it was strange to bake your own birthday cake. Like, anything anyone else did wasn't good enough. However, I managed somehow to be cutting up spongecake and spreading lemon toffee come the afternoon. Milk was a bad choice.

I also made my own dinner. Like, anything anyone else could do wasn't good enough. I'd like to appreciate the fortunate situation that has smiled upon me in the original plan of chicken and salad. Millions of people go days, weeks even without food. But my fortune, class and diet tell me otherwise. It sometimes feels too much to be catered for as a vegetarian.

These uphill battles I set myself are exhausting, expecting to keep finding rewards at the end. Really, I'm just being difficult or moody or angry or self important or pig headed.

For instance, my parents bought me an iPad for my birthday. Thats over one thousand dollars* of investment in a useless device. For an unemployed scum of the earth sponger like myself, I think I hardly deserve such a pointless luxury. There are so many things I need before this pointless gift. Things that I don't want to be handed to me by my parents on my birthday. Things I need to acquire by earning them. Louise is getting it instead as I stupidly opened it in panic.

I'm completely surrounded by darkened clouds in a boarded up room, jobless, homeless and alone. Meanwhile my parents spend a ridiculous amount of money with nothing but good intentions and well meanings on me. Now, the room is filled with guilt and anxiousness. Guilt for the pointlessness with which my parents spent money. Anxiousness for the copious amounts of things they could have spent it on, or I could have spent it on. And here I am, black hearted and unappreciative. Frustration.

I am Ugly. And Selfish. And Not Worth Your Time.

Fruit of the Moment: Those things Brendan made for me

*by my calculations at the online apple store $1,400