This may set the tone for the whole thing but...

Aftermath is now a word I am completely familiar with.

My recent expression of independence has left me with a rainbow of emotive ideas, phrases, wants and needs. Having fought and unresolved issues with my mother is breaking new ground for me.

Generally, my pattern is to follow three simple steps:

1) Argue about an issue when prodded or put down.

2) Stress my point and be misinterpreted.

3) Compromise my world view in favour of calming the storm and returning to lake placid

Yesterday, however when confronted with the option of yet again going through step 3, I found it important somehow to continue to stress my point and assert my independence. in short, I stood up to my Mother in the only way I know how; by being cold and distant in her allocated time of resolution.

However this morning, after collecting my thoughts, I wrote my mother an email in hopes to begin to reach an agreed state of understanding in contrast to establishing who was right and wrong. . I hope this strategy pans out with a positive outcome for all involved (my Father included, who now has to live with the feud my Mother and I are currently extending).

In anycase, it comes at no shock that everyone at work noticed how "flat" I was. All day. And for all their noticing, I was 10 times this inside. The whole incident has taken an enormous chuck of my metaphysical flesh, marinated and seared the sucker while ruthlessly tearing apart the soul from sinew. Chewing. With macabre satisfaction.

So, after having 5 seconds to begin my situation to Gen when I arrived for the 2ND LOVESONG rehearsal, It was frustrating that I had to then direct a comedy about love whilst in a state of inner turmoil and despair after my actors started arriving.

Somehow, I came through. And for all my suffering and lack of understanding or comfort, Gen opened her first aid kit at around 9pm, and proceeded in her delicate operation.

Gen has an uncanny, methodical and logical way of condescendingly analysing a situation that really speaks to me and my (how shall I call it? Individual?) Brain.

Its something that I really love about her.

She knows how to separate issues, addressing a variety of problems one at a time; clearly, logically and calmly. And without self regard or need of urgency. She knows when to talk and when to listen. She was exactly who I needed to really start mending me from the mind out.

I feel that I now need to start on my physical being and need of comfort. Without resorting to Four Cheese Macaroni and Cheese.

This is a job that i'd say only one person in the whole wide world could curently acheive. She knows who she is.

Fruit of the Moment: The Gift of Chocolate