of-frickin-course they do

When I woke up this morning, I deliberately turned off my phone at 8am. Having not received a call from casual direct by 8, I somehow rationalised cheating the last 20 minutes I could have been rung for a job today. I celebrated this with a little nap while my phone continued to be silent.

My task today was to apply for more jobs and write down some ideas for this picture book I was musing over yesterday while waiting for Tuneil at Mac Square. Somehow, this turned into watching an episode of Gossip Girl while anxiously waiting to hear back from Rockdale Musical Society in regards to my audition on Saturday (said phone call never happened but rehearsals begin on Nov 22 anyway). It is just annoying how pressing it feels to me.

Later, this turned into watching episodes of The Big Bang Theory. And eventually, this turned into being interrupted while watching The Big Bang Theory when Mum got up and had finished her recreational computer time.

I really don't know my place yet under her roof. At the moment, I'm completely obligated to at any time do whatever I am asked of due to the free rent situation. And this has really bugged me since I got back from America. Things like cleaning and moving furniture around and other can-you-help-me-with-this-now moments (which I am happy to do, but feel obligated into at the same time).

So, today when Mum once again asked what job I would get if this "Graphic Design Thing" doesn't work out, I harshly told her I would be jobless until I had the job I wanted. This of course raised how I can't live forever with a free ride (rent and bill free) for "much longer". And after a heated argument, I was told to have a job by Christmas or look for different work.

Which is (by the way) completely un-fucking-acceptable.

So, the alternate was to start paying a third of the bills and rent after this Christmas Deadline. Which, if it comes to that, I'll just move out over because it would be $50-$100 more to live independently and who wouldn't find that more worth while?

In anycase, this translated to "I-Don't-Love-You-Mother". Which is utter tripe.

I was then (rightly) criticised for watching The Big Bang theory all day in place of looking for a decent job. So I made it clear that I make my own decisions about what I do and when, including what career I chose to have regardless of whatever degree I was pushed into. Mum, emotionally hurt couldn't take looking at me any more. So, she stopped speaking to me mid sentence and left the room.

I tried to make pancakes for dinner but it was a fucking disaster. My fault for being so blunt with my Mother I suppose. Curse you kitchen gods.

Fruit of the Moment: Sandwich smell