The pancakes were delicious and I spoke with a "Ben" who was happy to take my resume. Fingers crossed!
That dusted, I was clear to accomplish other things today. Like try to fit into new pants that I can no longer fit into because I bought them when I was anorexic and it now makes me sad. I did that. Also, I got really down about my weight rising.
I seemed to be really depressed after coming home from America. And eating like a caveman wasn't helping the matter. So, stopping the diet after three weeks and eating foods out of comfort for the next three temporarily made me feel content with the world. I felt excited about joining in with people when they ordered pizza, and such.
But I look at myself now in the mirror. And I feel so unfulfilled. I don't have delusions of career hopping into a CK modelling agency, but from where I stand I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. And I need some kind of balance. Some kind of happiness within myself that says "if-you-don't-like-this-then-fuck-off-you-superficial-bitch". That would be good.
But I just don't know what to do about it. I resolved today to start up a diet or sorts again. I just can't see the longevity. I am implementing the 80/20 rule of eating overly sensibly for 80% of the time, while eating what I crave 20% of the time. Essentially, It gives me three meals a weeks to live it up. So, I'm trailing it until my birthday which is 2 months away. What can I accomplish If I eat without indulgences bar three meals a week? Lets hope the happiness detailed above.
I also continued the top secret project that nobody knows about due to its secretness. Although, today the muggles really got me real down. It was pretty harsh and I got all moody about it. Clue #2 of the super secret project is that one person I know, knows about it.
Fruit of the Moment: Park bench dinner spot
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